I watched a program last night on CBC. It was the untold stories of survivors from the tsunami's in Thailand. It was heartbreakingly sad. please brace yourself.

One story was so profound. This man had gone for a vacation, sold all his crap so his family could all have a wonderful time. They were recording with a video camera, and his young daughter was like, "We're here in Thailand--look at the beautiful view we have!" So they go on recording, and they see this brown water coming from the sea... Everybody starts panicking, and soon enough the 20 metre wave is spotted. When the water collides with the shore, everything is ripped apart. The man tries to keep his family together, but can only hold on to his youngest son. They both get dragged under, and the man thinks to himself, "I'm pulling my son down, the only way he can survive is if I let go..." so he does. He said it was the biggest regret of his life.

I wonder what it is like to lose a son. This human being that you love, that you adore beyond any worldly sense. What is it that drives the urgency of love in such a hectic and horrific situation? Some say it's your unconscious desire for your offspring to survive so your species can survive. Other's say it's neural activity in the brain-just some waves shooting back and forth in response to certain stimuli. there are many other ridiculous theories to explain love. They will never get it. somebody tell them to stop trying.

I know that God lost his son. I have not shed one tear. but he didn't die so we could greive two thousand years later. it must have been very hard for Him. and very hard to believe in Him if you have lost your son. But couldn't God sympathize?

I read stories about the tsunami where God performed some amazing miracles. People don't hear about these stories. Why is that? People are so quick to excuse such stories. Many fell from their faith, and many strengthened their faith from this experience. I have no idea what would happen to me. Would I be angry at God? Would I blame myself If I was in that situation, letting go of my son's hand thinking i'd save him? i don't believe i am any better than those i am accusing.

Just the hour before, I had been complaining about the most frivalous thing, and i felt terrible for doing so. Why does it take death to motivate me? I wonder why i'd do anything for someone who i knew was going to die tomorrow. It's strange, certain states of mind you put yourself in. It's like in the moment you are there your world changes. Like being madly in love with someone, then 2 years later cringing at the thought. You were sure you were in love, but why does it seem so distant and obscure?

Some people say if they could only see God do something right before their eyes, they would believe. Pascal said that even if God did something metaphysical, it would be beyond our reasoning to accept. It would only convince people in the moment, then later they would think they were deceived. Such is faith based on a miracle. Jesus never wanted as much, asking people not to say anything. So why do people need to need a glimpse of God's power when it already exists in the eyes of an infant, and between the love of parent and child? Why believe in God?

He has always loved you, that's for sure. His son died for you as well. He wanted to save us from death, and considers us all children. He too has that indescribable love for us, and loves us even if we fall. regardless of what you think, he still cares for you, and prays for you. try talking to him, if you haven't--it's something you'll never regret.

yes... yes. I have decided to blog at both xanga and blogger if only to appease my desire to reside in both worlds-xanga and blogger. It's like an unspoken war... well, it is spoken i guess. "You use xanga! Pfft! lamo!" (that wasn't, and doesn't sound like me.) Conversely, "Oh, you use blogger? uhh, ok." For some reason, I wonder if xanga was created for asians. It's like the word xanga is derived from an asian letter or something. I see a Japanese dude with a samurai sword screaming "XANGA!!" while running to his doom. Or, I hear people screaming "XANGA!!" while playing Jenga. it'd work. people could probably make a whole language with the word xanga. "Xan. Xaxanga. X? Anga!"

woh... anyway.

Yea, so i look forward to leaving comments on all my Calgary buddy's blogs. This blog is pretty much designed for that reason, since I suck at emailing everybody. So, i have officially joined the Blogger tribe, and still remain loyal to my Jenga site. This could be potentially deadly.

I finished my last exam today. ugh... thank you God. lol, it's like this burden lifted off my shoulders.




i can finally love again.
Like how my chipmunk friend
is givin' some love.